We won't sleep together?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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