don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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