I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
