were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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