hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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