So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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