I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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