I need to stop coming to work sober
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
