First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize