Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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