"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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