addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
