oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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