In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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