i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
