I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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