I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
