just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
