I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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