OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
