were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
