Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ok first of all what the fuck
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
