Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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