well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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