i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
