I wanna bring you to show and tell
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't notice because vodka
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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