I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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