my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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