Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
