I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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