Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
