I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
