I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
