I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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