Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
