So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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