i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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