you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
