how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
