Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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