one might say we're banned from that church
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
