i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
