I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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