Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
