One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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