she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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