Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
