if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
