Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
