I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
