it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so let's talk penis.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
