its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
