So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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