My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
