I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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