I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
