i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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