You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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