I cockslap morals
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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