my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
