You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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