Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..