His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?