I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
