it wasn't lemon gatorade
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
