Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
