that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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