It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
