Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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