I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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