You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
