She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I believe in your delicious
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
