it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
