Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
